Where was I when I wasn’t yet here?
In another life, when the air was still clear,
When the sun was younger,
And my heavens were near..
Was I a snow leopard in the rocky hills,
Stalking my prey, silent as a ghost?
Was I a flower in the valley green,
Wooing the bees like a sweet host?
An arctic tern, raking up the miles
A penguin father, holding fort in the ice..
A giant in the Jurassic age
Or a tusker, alone in its rage..
Were I a butterfly, waiting out the rain
Or a deer, wary of the lion’s den?
Was I a tree growing taller every year,
Or the storm in the forest, bringer of fear?
Was I a whale, at the bottom of the ocean –
Singing away across half the world?
Was I the earth, cooling in centuries of rain
Folding myself up into a mighty mountain?
Is it just this time, that I am born a man?
Or have I had such luck before..
Have I ever been a saint, a kind king?
Or a woodcutter? Sold pelts for a living?
Have I caused pain? Did I save lives?
Is there a record? Or was it all lies?
Was fate forever blind,
Or did it have eyes?
Is this endless cycle all there is?
Or are we each on a journey their own?
Or is this but a spell?
Just another tale?
Am I being tested? Am I being scored?
Or are you by now just too bored?
Was this episode meant as a curse or a reward?
Or are you past caring?
Have let down your guard!
Am I alone?
Or do I have brothers in worlds afar –
On another planet of another star?
Do I have friends there? Do I have family?
Am I there a better man?
Is this how it’s meant to be –
Or does out there lie waiting for me
A canvas bigger, a grander plan?
Avik Kumar Si.
Bengaluru. May 2021